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Friday, November 26, 2004

thinking of titles is the hardest part of blogging... this post is about... 

so i've notice my post usually fall under two categories, either what i'm doing or what i'm thinking/what i think. I'm not sure which one is more popular, but this one if about what i'm thinking.

university sucks, thats not entirly true. But it seems lately that university is just the breeding grounds for the next white collar management team. I'm not a big fan of management. There job consisits of telling people, who know very well how to do there job, how to do thier job. (might have to read it a couple of times till it makes sense). My first year seminar (a class designed to be like highschool to help the young children adapt) is about youth employment and education, needless to say most of the topics covered relate to us (the students). what drives me nuts is when questions like, 'how is college different then university' or 'why is post secondary education important', the answer (in one form or another) always comes back to somthing about making more money. Am I the last of the idealists? I mean the reason why I choose university is so I could get the credintials that society says I need in order to get a job that would give me some small chance to make social change and make the world just a little better for someone. I still think the world can be changed, but how long my youthfull idealism will last I don't know.

It's important to note that my first year seminar course is made up of 30 students, all first year, many of them 18 years old. So that might be why they r like that. Also ottawa is white collar central, this is a middle/upper class city, and they like it that way.

I come from a long line of blue collar workers. My grandparents were school janitors, on the other side my grandma was a homemaker and my grandpa was many things including lumber jack, labourer, possibly a miner and more. My dad was a high school dropout, however he took a university entrance exam, passed, and then went to college, becoming the first from his direct family line (I believe). Anyways, the other day in class our teacher was showing us this website that showed income for jobs, rates of unemployment in those jobs and so on. The jobs the kiddies asked to see were either the jobs they were training for (ie. psychatrists, scientists or whatever), and what they considered crappy jobs like janitors and garbage men (sorry thats sexiests, it's garbage collectors). This summer I worked at waste management... with garbage men, and women, And I was a temp, so they were higher up then me. I wished so bad I could have brought somme of them to the class, just so I could watch them start kicking ass. I would rather carry on a conversation with them then these rich (or soon to be rich) pompous teenagers who still need to complete puberty (not that that has anything to do with it). anyways thats my rant for today

Tuesday, November 23, 2004

blitz 

this weekend was great,
My roomates so I was along in the apartment. I finally got so bored that I called up shawn to see if they wanted to come up and see a movie, they couldn't, so instead the just drove up and took me back. It was crazy good times, completly spontaneous. I was organize some pranking raids, but turns out it started raining, so i just stayed inside.

in other news I have one project left and then i'm done my school work (just studying left) so thats prettyu sweet. It's not even due for another two weeks.

Here's a note for kids that are applying for university's/college next year... don't. take a year off and figure out what you wanna do first. Then do tons of volunteer work in that area, and other areas to make sure you really like it.

Saturday, November 20, 2004

More Tunes 

Big City by Operation Ivy

Concrete and chaos rise up
Spiderweb across the land
Like a giant rash.

Forests lie down below
Foundations of buildings in a bed of ash.

Some people here got it real good,
'Cuz the glass towers bring prosperity.
Other people starve in tne street
Because concrete knows no sympathy.

Big city, it's a wishing well.
Big city, it's a living hell.

This town, it's f'n insane :
How one will starve and another will gain.
Like a giant mechanical brain,
And the people are cells and the streets are veins.

It thinks only of itself,
A thousand limbs crawling it expands and grows,
And still the concrete sits there,
Sits there, stark grey and cold.

Big city, it's a wishing well.
Big city, it's a living hell.

And I think I wanna be a brick layer.
So I can put another brick in the wall.

It's sanitary, rational, happy and sane.
Growing like a flower to surround us all.

Theme song for the week 

Jaded by Operation Ivy

Something breaks inside of you
With the spectacle of all the shows
With fifteen fights and your six bucks
Has gone up some promoter's nose.
Jaded eyes see clearly, but only half of what's there
Good old days are left behind, what's left is boredom and despair.

But sometimes every once in a while . . .
It's beautiful, I would say, I wouldn't have it any other way,
If I said different, it would be a lie.
If I said different, it would be a lie.

What was once rebellion is now clearly just a social sect,
But are you just upset because your own social clique has left ?
Leave when you want, because I know that someday I will too
But I won't burn my bridges and be just another jaded fool !

Friday, November 19, 2004

i'm jaded, but not in the cool way 

This is gonna be long, boring and serious, so if you're looking for a larf, go elsewhere (or come back later)

my head is swimming with thought.
I forced myself to go to campus crusade tonight, i really didn't want to, but i did. The worship was really good, it was your general contemporary christian music, but it work (although usually i find that kind of music annoying). It was wired, i could feel the holy spirit trying to break through and i had glimpses of my heart. I saw wounds that I've been trying to hide from others and from myself.

I saw the wounds left over from bible college, not just because the bullshit and the dumb ass rules and all the rest, but because I was sure that I was called there. I can tell you the exact moment when i thought i was called to enter the ministry. (i realize that every christian is called to ministry and is a pastor, but i'm talking about a calling as a vocation which is what pastor's seem to often emphasize). I was sure i was supposed to be there and be a youth pastor, but i'm not there anymore. Part of me wants to be mad at God for misleading me, I put my trust in Him and I failed. But of course that's not the truth. Somewhere along the line i screwed up. I don;t know if it was interpreting the voice of God or in leaving bible college or anywhere else along the line, but now I have trouble trusting in God, not because He mislead me, but because my comprehension of Him is significantly less then what I thought it was 2 years ago. I'm not even sure that God has a specific in everyone's life, but maybe He's satisfied with us honoring Him in whatever we end up doing. But then again maybe He does have a specific calling, in which case the question is am I going against that will? I dunno, if anyone has some scripture to throw at me, throw away.

I've also realized what a loss the leaving of Caleb is in my life. He taught me what true spirituality is, and I guess subconsciously I allowed a lot of my spirituality to be rooted in him, which isn't exactly a good thing since it should be rooted in God alone. But to further things, I no longer have spiritual leadership in my life, or maybe I should say spiritual leadership that I know I can trust. (not that there's n e one that I don't trust.) I no longer have a mentor. I'm on my own in a big world. ya, it's part of growing up, but it's a shitty part.

I've given up alcohol, some of you may be surprised to know that I drank at all. I only started this summer after bible college, and didn't do it that much until I got up here. Now I will say that the bible not only says nothing against drinking (it says don't get drunk) but there are also scriptures that talk about wine, etc, being an ok thing. But personally, I come from a long line of men who enjoy abusing there booze, well my dad was never too too bad with it, pretty much all the other generations have had issues. I've also come to realize that in the end, booze just makes you stupid and poor, and I don't need booze to be stupid, I can do that on my own for free.

further more theres plenty of other crap floating around, but school is making me too analytical. So if you've read to the end of this, then congrats, I never would have! But as your reward; go here!

Thursday, November 18, 2004

as of late 

well,
i've been spending the last couple of days working on cartoons (i'm so happy that i figured out flash, although i'm still an amatuer at it). I'm also convertin the old kill trtevor/kill doug cartoons (see crap-toons to the right) into flash animation, it's a slow process.
So some of you might be asking, but doug, what about homework. actually i don't have too much left, one article critique and a paper (for which i have a partner). so i have a bit of extra time (i only have 4 classes cause i got accepted late).
I just found out that I have 1 week of for christmas break, that sucks the big one!

the other day I recieved a care package (i will not say from whome just so that every student doesn't expect to get one) but let me just say it was the best care package ever!!!! 100% candy!!!!!!!!! i'm on a permenant sugar high! If anyone else wants to send me a care package, may I suggest some slim fast shakes? Gotta work all this candy off!

anyways, I could say more but i got class.

More flash 

OK, i think i got this thing worked out. so try this cartoon, but remember, you need flash 3 or higher, and there is sound too, and you might have to wait for it to load (like up to a minute... or more). Let me know if this one works
  • Christmas Special (act 1)


  • does n e one know how i can oput up a link that lets you download a file?

    Wednesday, November 17, 2004

    KILL KILL KILL 

    I'm working on starting up some more animation, only this time using flash (but still doing frame by frame.
    This is just a test to see if the flash works. Please let me know if you were able to download it and watch it.
    First Flash Animation

    so trevor, be warned, your death is imminent.

    Sunday, November 14, 2004

    Christmas Gifts 

    I've noticed that some of my fellow bloggers have shamlessly posted thier christmas wish lists in hopes of having someone purchase some item for them. Although there are many DVD tv seasons that I would love, let me just say that if you want to get me something that I really NEED this year, get me some loonies and quarters. You see, you can never have enough fresh underwear (or at least I never seem to have enough) so laundry money is better then most other gifts. In fact if you really wanted to splurge, just buy me new underwear, I take a FTL sport brief (the half boxer half brief) in an XL, preferable black or grey. (is it 'grey' or gray'? i'm never sure).

    Saturday, November 13, 2004

    procrastination is bitter sweet 

    I wish they never made Grand Theft Auto San Andreas, how can anyone study with this game in the apartment?!?

    Friday, November 12, 2004

    social 

    Well, I finally did it, I took Chy's advice (from bible college) and grew some balls and went out to force myself to be social. I hated it (not what i event, but trying to be social). I went to campus crusade for christ, they have a weekly meeting. It was'nt too bad (on a side note, is it just me or do all missionaries give the same sermon- 1st thier missionary duty, talk about how if you don't know jesus, and 2) read the great commision and tell you that you need to go, or send money. I mean really every missionary says the same thing). It's wierd, I know exactly what I need to do in order to be social, and yet when the time comes to do it, I get super nervous. I actually felt like I was going to throw up when I left cause I couldn't handle the social aspect. I'm fine when i'm with at least one person i know well, but I can't handle it in a group by myself. I heard about a pill that helps people who have trouble being social, but i'm not sure if i'm at the pill level, or the really shy level. PLus i'm not really comfortable asking my doctor for pills to a disease which i may not have (and thats probablly what he would tell me).

    Oh, so about the campus crusade for christ meeting, it was pretty good, your general "evangelicals unite" and all that. The one part where I wanted a gun (i think to shoot myself with, but maybe not) was when there was joking about dating/ marriage. (i think the girls weremaking an annoucement about sleepless in seatle and that they would talk about thier perfect guy, and then the guy leader made some jokes). oh how i hate when we single teenage christians make marriage/ dating jokes. lets be honest, they're just weel disguesed sex jokes!!!

    if only God made me a-sexual. No such luck, and sometimes celibacy (and i mean complete celibacy) seems like a harder road then the marriage one.

    anyways, most of the a-sexual stuff is just jokes, so get over yourself. I've fallen in love with my favorite drug again (caffine) and for the first time in my life, I can actually notice it's effects (or is that affects? i'm never sure) so perhaps when i need to be social i'll just down a litre of coke...
    bye bye grape fruit diet

    Thursday, November 11, 2004

    The Who 

    Well, it's rare when you play an albulm and it makes an entire generation of music seem insignificant. Today I was playing the Who, Live at Leeds. WOW, now that's rock n' roll. Here's a selection (one that I can truly feel) called,

    Young Man Blues

    Well a young man
    Ain't got nuthin' in the world these days
    I said a young man
    Ain’t got nuthin' in the world these days

    Well you know in the old days
    When a young man was a strong man
    All the people, they stepped back
    When a young man walked by

    But you know nowadays
    It's the old man, who's got all the money
    And a young man
    Ain't got nuthin' in the world these days

    Nowadays it's the young man
    Who ain't got nuthin' in the world these days
    Ain't got nuthin'
    Ain't got sweet fuck-all...



    Tuesday, November 09, 2004

    cheese 

    I ate way to much cheese today and now i'm paying the price.
    oh, and on a completly seperate topic, girls are always bitching that they got it so bad, but guys have it way worse.

    Girls get periods so they have to put up with an emotional roller coaster a few days a month
    But us, guys, we have gonads, so we're stupid for life

    (thats a doug mckenzie original quote)

    Sunday, November 07, 2004

    we put the the in theology 

    I've been trying to figure out how to explain my crisis of theology (since i left bible college) and it wasn't till i crossed a random christians site that i figured out how to say it (i think),
    this person wrote (when commenting on the election and his dislike for both the ppl running); "thanks be to Him who enacts His will in all situations no matter how much men try to stand in the way" for those of you wondering 'Him' is God.

    see, that qoute is what i used to think, before bible college and everything that happened while i was there (stuff happening at home to). but now it's almost the opposite, I think free choice is such a huge thing that God almost never intervenes with the exeption of miracles. Now miracle can take many forms, and thus i suppose they can be a daily event (i dunno for sure). and i'm not sure about what theology says (although theology can't always be trusted) but i think that most miracles require someone to ask for them. But i dunno, i'm only 20, there's plenty of time to work out my theology and try and figure out as much about God as He will reveal.

    anyways, i'm off to the Presbyterian church. Maybe i'll join the presb. church someday, give this evangelical thing a rest for awhile. ha ha ha, evangelical, it sounds funny, say it 10 times fast... can u say anything ten times fast?

    Friday, November 05, 2004

    Kerry wins in recount 

    found this little gem while surfing the net.

    right now the kitty is sleeping on me and farting, but i'm farting too, so hopefully they will cancel each other out.

    Tuesday, November 02, 2004

    election 

    i'm feeling a lot of emotions right now, none relating to the elections, however i do wanna put in my two cents before this is old news

    anyone who says that Bush should win because he's a christian is an idiot.
    First, politics and religion don't mix, sorry. I'd love to work in a christian country that works... but there's no such think. It's like communism, sounds good, turns to shit as soon as people get involved. Throughout history when the state has been 'christian' it has led to wars, genocide, crazy ass laws and more. I in no ways endorse Kerry, however Bush as showed himself to be oil greedy, and fails to fulfill in stopping real terrorism like North Korea with thier nukes, or even finding Osama (plus a crap load more). People who say that Bush is doing 'God's work' why don't you pick up a gun and go to war and see what 'God's work' looks like. If you believe that only christians go to heaven, then why would you shoot and thus send people, mostly innocent, to hell? But of course none of us are in the war, so who gives a crap, right (thats a sarcastic comment).

    No matter how this election goes, no matter who wins, we'll still have war, greed, the elites, the rich and the poor. We're a fallen people in a fallen world. This is the consequences, of our actions, this is our fate, our destiny. God has interceded, given us miracles to avoid this fate, given us salvation, and yet we still strive towards our old fate, God help us, cause we've proven generation after generation that we can't help ourselves.

    Friendship 

    Ecclesiastes 4
    9You are better off to have a friend than to be all alone, because then you will get more enjoyment out of what you earn. 10If you fall, your friend can help you up. But if you fall without having a friend nearby, you are really in trouble. (CEV)


    Proverbs 18
    24 A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother.(KJV)

    Proverbs 27
    6 Faithful are the wounds of a friend; but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.(KJV)

    Proverbs 27
    17As iron sharpens iron,
    So a man sharpens the countenance of his friend. (NKJV)

    John 15
    13This is the very best way to love. Put your life on the line for your friends. 14You are my friends when you do the things I command you. 15I'm no longer calling you servants because servants don't understand what their master is thinking and planning. No, I've named you friends because I've let you in on everything I've heard from the Father. (msg)





    Monday, November 01, 2004

    There and Back Again, a Brockvillian's Tale 

    Went home for the weekend and there were many festivites. (is that a word, and if so, how did i mispell it?)

    It's Caleb's last weekend home which is super sad, but we had good times. I went to his drop-in and then promptly left to watch the old BCI Tiss football game (i'm happy to say that I was part of the team that made BCI dominate over Tiss whish is how it's been since i finished playing 3 years ago). and then back to calebs thing. I also went to Shawn and MIchelles cartoon halloween special (I was a 30's mobster, and I forgot how crappy goosebumbs really is).

    and then there was some all night euchere and ultimate elimination Bruce.
    The Last time I played (UEB I was a finalists but did not recive one vote because I was a newcomer and not part of the original council). So i'm happy to say that this time, while I was the first one out, I was able to help a newcomer beet out one of the elitist council members with my vote and ensuing wrestling match (the vote was a tie so we found a new way to break it)

    all in all it was some good times

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