a rolling stone waiting to be set in motion

Well, I finally did it, I took Chy's advice (from bible college) and grew some balls and went out to force myself to be social. I hated it (not what i event, but trying to be social). I went to campus crusade for christ, they have a weekly meeting. It was'nt too bad (on a side note, is it just me or do all missionaries give the same sermon- 1st thier missionary duty, talk about how if you don't know jesus, and 2) read the great commision and tell you that you need to go, or send money. I mean really every missionary says the same thing). It's wierd, I know exactly what I need to do in order to be social, and yet when the time comes to do it, I get super nervous. I actually felt like I was going to throw up when I left cause I couldn't handle the social aspect. I'm fine when i'm with at least one person i know well, but I can't handle it in a group by myself. I heard about a pill that helps people who have trouble being social, but i'm not sure if i'm at the pill level, or the really shy level. PLus i'm not really comfortable asking my doctor for pills to a disease which i may not have (and thats probablly what he would tell me).

Oh, so about the campus crusade for christ meeting, it was pretty good, your general "evangelicals unite" and all that. The one part where I wanted a gun (i think to shoot myself with, but maybe not) was when there was joking about dating/ marriage. (i think the girls weremaking an annoucement about sleepless in seatle and that they would talk about thier perfect guy, and then the guy leader made some jokes). oh how i hate when we single teenage christians make marriage/ dating jokes. lets be honest, they're just weel disguesed sex jokes!!!

if only God made me a-sexual. No such luck, and sometimes celibacy (and i mean complete celibacy) seems like a harder road then the marriage one.

anyways, most of the a-sexual stuff is just jokes, so get over yourself. I've fallen in love with my favorite drug again (caffine) and for the first time in my life, I can actually notice it's effects (or is that affects? i'm never sure) so perhaps when i need to be social i'll just down a litre of coke...
bye bye grape fruit diet