a rolling stone waiting to be set in motion

I've been doing this blog thing for awhile now. It started out to keep intouch with the boys in brockville while i was in bible college, but things have changed in the almost 2 years since then. I don't update very often now, because unfortunatly, I feel the need to censor myself cause i'm never quit sure who's reading (although i have an idea, hence the censorship). so thats why things are always flowery and general latly. (i also can't spell, but i'm in university so who cares)

i've neglected my bird (blue) lately. not in the animal cruelty way, just in that i've been working so much the she's no longer acdcustomed to human presence. She jumps to the corner of the cage and hides. She only sings when i put music on, and doesn't sing with me anymore. It's sad, i think i should drop out of school so i can invest more in our relationship. (see what i mean by flowery and general)

I hate reading week, it's like a sick joke that schools play on us. The illusion of time. I'd seriously get more work done if i had to go to class!!!

don't you hate it when you learn a lesson, but then you have to re-leran it. i hate that. Don't you also hate ppl who are completely vague?

IN other news, tomorrow will be the single greatest day of my life. my clothing is down to like 3 pairs of pants and some shirts...but tomorrow... oh tomorrow... IT'S THE VALUE VILLAGE 50% EVERYTHING SALE. I'm gonna get some elbow pads and maybe a helmet cause there is gonna be some hardcore shopping going on, my only hope is that the plus size guys will be too lazy to go, so my section will be relativly empty. It's time to shop ladies!!!

I'll post a complete play by play when i'm done tomorrow

I just finished reading Of Human Bondage by W. Somerset Maugham... wow! you should probablly read it cause it's really good.

I'm working like 5 times next week (it's reading week) so i'm pretty hardcore. I'll be rich, but i still gotta get my pay cheque from last week cause i have no money and i'm down to four pieces of bread and a couple of packages of pasta, not to mention that I haven't done laundry in a month (i only own 4 pairs of pants) so everything is starting to get REALLY stinky.

Today all i did was watch part of kill bill 2 and then read for like four hours. I should have been reading textbooks or somthing, but i really wanted to finisht the book. Now i'm done and realize i spend a whole day doing nothing that would help me out in school. oh well, it's almost reading week, so I can play catch up! good times.

I am a Revenant
by: The Distillers

Another year has passed and I'm alright
I lick the salt from my wounds and run into the night
Well it's unknown
Why collusion goes on
It rapes like betrayal
And I am rotting in the squalor of some

Do you remember the rage?
I remember the hate
I remember that it rained for years
And the blood has left a stain

You say I got karma to collect
I dig my grave
And I'm here waiting for some kind of check
And if I get one,I'll hold my breath
I rack my spine
It takes a year for you to warrant a test
As the years go by I won't cry
It's the year you walked into my life
I will despise

We are the revanants
Woah,we will rise up from the dead
We become the living
We've come back to reclaim our stolen breath

[Repeat 5x]

Another year has passed and I'm alright
I lick the salt from my wounds and run into the night
Run into the night
Run into the night
Run into the night
Run into the night

last night we had campus crusade held a coffee house. It was nice, I played for a couple songs. I'm not sure if it was from the working all day or the forced extrovertism that caused it, but afterwards I was bush tired. why can't christians stay away from cheesy christianisms when they are around none christians?

further more, we had a couple of christian bands come out. Whats the deal with groupies, espicially christian groupies?!~? I'm talking about the girls who get all dresses up, come out, and sit through everything else looking kind of grumpy and then there 'boys' or thier 'band' comes on and they start acting like drunk chicks. hooting and hollaring, so retarded. Ladies if you like the music so much then get some instruments and start a band, it's time to put an end to the groupie movement ESPICIALLY christian groupies!

Sometimes working with ppl who have multiple disabilities can be super stressfull. But I guess at the same time lately of lost my ability to just not care. It was like a happy apathy. I used to considered it one of my strengths. Working with Chris has taught me that that ability is somthing that I've lost in 'growing up' and is somthing I need to find again.
sometimes you just have to say 'yes, we're taking a leak in the middle of this busy parking lot and there is nothing you can do about it!'

seriosuly, when did I start to get all wond up like a grumpy old man? (no offence to grumpy old men who read this).

IN other news, I still love Jesus, but I feel seperated from mainstream christianity. I still do christian stuff, but I guess maybe I sometimes feel like i think differently from my peers. I'm the odd man out. There are the crazy conservative christians (every thing is literal or else you are evil, and then the crazy Libereal Christians (whatever floats your boat) and I find my self somewhere in between. It would be a happy medium, if it weren't so lonely. I can't wait till I get home and can spend every weekend with my Brockville friends, they are the best group of people you could ever meet (don't want to get too sentimental).

In OTHER other news, I used to make fun of people who cried over ectremem home makeovers (or whatever it's called) but then last week I saw an episode, that is some sad sad stuff. They saved the family farm of a family who's husband/dad had died. I think my tear stains are still on the carpet

I've been thinking alot today, spurred on by what i've been reading and conversations I've had. MOstly about philosophy, Christianity (both about the Institution and The Christ/Trinity), and more.

IN one of the books I read there is a a monologue by an older man talking to a young one about the meaning of life, etc, and he starts talking about philosophy, and how there is no one correct philosophy, and philosophy simply speaks to the person in that time that came up with that particular philosophy. Further more, humans were driven by one thing and one thing alone- pleasure. That can be seen clear enough with those that live only for sex, or only for booze, etc. But also thos who leaved to please God did it only because it brought them pleasure to think that He was pleased with them, and those he tried to do good deeds did so only because it brought them pleasure to do "good". In short pleasure is at the root of all human actions, whether they be 'good' or 'bad'.

I found all this perplexing. This type of philosphy is somewhat tied in with evolution/Darwinism, in that we are simply another type of animal driven by instinct (pleasure) which genreally means self preservation and breeding. So to me if this is true then nothing really matters because we are simply animals following our instincts. Further more, if this were true, then philosophy itself, and 'truth' would be nothing more then a thought pattern in someones mind, and when that person dies, that philosophy or 'truth' dies with them. IN essence, there is no truth. This led me to the conclusion that the only real 'philosophy' would be Nihlism since all philosophy dies and there is no ultimate truth.

But then upon thinking about nihilism, I started to think about Ecclesasties (this book as helped me to hold onto my faith in times of trouble more then other). I remembered how it said that knowledge is meaningless and to take joy in the little things in life.

So for now I put all this thought process on hold, and i'll enjoy a cheap cuban and whatever else i can find. Wish my brain had an off switch.

I have a secret... but I can't tell it... not yet. But it's pretty sweet!!!

so, me and my friend adam were taking the bus home from bible study, and of course we got on the topic of new family guy. We then started to argue about intelligent comedy. We agreed that family guy is not nearly as intelligent as The Simpsons were in thier hayday, however the current simpson's shows show little intelligence at all. For instance before there a show might be about some internal struggle between homer and another charecter/his soiciety (or bart or whoever). now it's just "wow, look how dumb homer is" and to make things even worse, the current writers are so dumb that they are starting to make marge as dumb as homer, so now thw show is just "wow, look at how dumb those simpsons are *ha ha ha, isn't that funny*). (*= sarcasim)

Now well family guy once in awhile has the occasional intelligent sociological/political insight, it still tends to be more slapstick and in your face humour, which is great. but it's at this point that Adam makes a shocking statement.

According to him, he says, South Park is more intelligently funny then either of the other shows... SOUTH PARK?!?

I'm not quit sure what to say at this point, so I go on to say that perhaps intelligent introspective cartooon families have run thier course, and they are no longer needed. But that they did serve a purpose and opened up tv audiences to this type of deeper meaning comedy, which can be seen threw shows like the chappele show, the daily show, etc etc etc.

then at this point adam steps in "ya, the daily show is good, except sometimes i think they use too much toilet humour"

my jaw dropped!!!! so according to they guy who things south park is more intelligent then family guy and the simpsons, he says the daily show as too much toilet humour?!? HAS HE EVEN WATCHED SOUTH PARK?!?

now i'm not trying to bash south park here, it's given me many a laugh, but the whole point of south park is to take an intelligent, hard to understand social issue, and reduce it to nothing but toilet humour. That doesn't really seem too "deep" to me. IN essence they are just saying oh cares about being intelligent and smart, screw all the smart ppl, here's cartoon butts and fart jokes for half an hour.

seriously