Friday, February 13, 2004
How I've changed
Well, it's been awhile but i'm posting again, mainly because i can't keep in contact with everyone from everywhere (especially that Chad poelman!).
Well, i would say that my life has changed quit a bit since coming to Emmanuel.
I've been going through some super crappy times, which of course cause reflection even though i'm not that analytical.
I guess the first 2 years in my Christian life were pretty good, not a lot of tough situations, I didn't really understand it at the time. I felt like I had a simple faith that hadn't been tested. I was pretty naive (did I spell it right) but sometimes I wish I could have those days again.
over the last three years or so things have been going crappy, like my dad getting sick and all of that, but since I got to college it's been getin' worse, like all the stuff going on at home, and the fact that I'm here. And me and my old g/f broke up a few weeks ago, but that seems like small peas now.
One of my best friends is going through a really hard time, he's more then a friend, he's a mentor and a brother.
But ya, i have changed alot and Gods showing me alot.
I no longer feel like worshipping God HAS to be a joyfully act. I've been having a hard time sitting through worship in chapel and at church because the music is always happy even when i'm not. I used to think that there was no way you were really worshiping God unless you were joyfully but this week in Old testie we read Ecclesiates. It really inspired me, which is weird for some people, but the fact that Solomon was able to worship God out of his despair and pain was really cool. it gave me hope.
Marriage
I no longer have any faith in the institution of Christian Marriage. I used to think that regular marriage was tough, but somehow Christian marriage is different, i don't think that way anymore. I think you can probably take any of the stats on regular marriage and place them in Christian marriage without much change. People say that marriage is between 3 people. The man, the woman and God, but God gave us free choice, so as much as I would like to believe that God would somehow make a Christian marriage work out no matter what, I know he won't. This isn't a fault of God, it's a fault of humans. If one person is determined to leave a marriage, even if they are being completely unreasonable and even sinful, they are still free to make the choice to destroy the marriage. For those of you not familiar with Christian marriage (the rules really apply to regular marriage too, but ppl don't know it) when a man and woman come together in marriage they become "one-flesh" (read Genesis in the Bible). So getting a divorce is like ripping apart a humanbeing. It's like killing this a person that God allowed into being (through marriage). So marriage in the end really is about a man and a woman, God is a part of it, but free choice still exists. it means that you have to be willing to put your faith into another person and of course people always fail. There really no way to know if a marriage is going to stay together, you can only hope and pray.
Because of the above I've also changed the way I look at my life. I used to think that I was getting married unless God very clearly and very specifically, called me to a life of celibacy.
Now I plan on being celibate my whole life unless God very clearly and very specifically calls me to get married to a specific woman.
Yes, life long celibacy is a legitimate and biblical practice for protestants. I could be an 80 year virgin, oh ya!
anyways, this is where i'm at right now, maybe next week I'll change my mind about everything and I'll be a Mac-daddy. Who knows.
but that's what i'm here to do, to learn, to change and to grow
that's it for now
Well, i would say that my life has changed quit a bit since coming to Emmanuel.
I've been going through some super crappy times, which of course cause reflection even though i'm not that analytical.
I guess the first 2 years in my Christian life were pretty good, not a lot of tough situations, I didn't really understand it at the time. I felt like I had a simple faith that hadn't been tested. I was pretty naive (did I spell it right) but sometimes I wish I could have those days again.
over the last three years or so things have been going crappy, like my dad getting sick and all of that, but since I got to college it's been getin' worse, like all the stuff going on at home, and the fact that I'm here. And me and my old g/f broke up a few weeks ago, but that seems like small peas now.
One of my best friends is going through a really hard time, he's more then a friend, he's a mentor and a brother.
But ya, i have changed alot and Gods showing me alot.
I no longer feel like worshipping God HAS to be a joyfully act. I've been having a hard time sitting through worship in chapel and at church because the music is always happy even when i'm not. I used to think that there was no way you were really worshiping God unless you were joyfully but this week in Old testie we read Ecclesiates. It really inspired me, which is weird for some people, but the fact that Solomon was able to worship God out of his despair and pain was really cool. it gave me hope.
Marriage
I no longer have any faith in the institution of Christian Marriage. I used to think that regular marriage was tough, but somehow Christian marriage is different, i don't think that way anymore. I think you can probably take any of the stats on regular marriage and place them in Christian marriage without much change. People say that marriage is between 3 people. The man, the woman and God, but God gave us free choice, so as much as I would like to believe that God would somehow make a Christian marriage work out no matter what, I know he won't. This isn't a fault of God, it's a fault of humans. If one person is determined to leave a marriage, even if they are being completely unreasonable and even sinful, they are still free to make the choice to destroy the marriage. For those of you not familiar with Christian marriage (the rules really apply to regular marriage too, but ppl don't know it) when a man and woman come together in marriage they become "one-flesh" (read Genesis in the Bible). So getting a divorce is like ripping apart a humanbeing. It's like killing this a person that God allowed into being (through marriage). So marriage in the end really is about a man and a woman, God is a part of it, but free choice still exists. it means that you have to be willing to put your faith into another person and of course people always fail. There really no way to know if a marriage is going to stay together, you can only hope and pray.
Because of the above I've also changed the way I look at my life. I used to think that I was getting married unless God very clearly and very specifically, called me to a life of celibacy.
Now I plan on being celibate my whole life unless God very clearly and very specifically calls me to get married to a specific woman.
Yes, life long celibacy is a legitimate and biblical practice for protestants. I could be an 80 year virgin, oh ya!
anyways, this is where i'm at right now, maybe next week I'll change my mind about everything and I'll be a Mac-daddy. Who knows.
but that's what i'm here to do, to learn, to change and to grow
that's it for now
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